I got the call today. My hands shook, my voice caught, and the tears flowed.
A treasured time in my life is ending, and something new will begin.
I discovered recently that I am not so good at endings, nor beginnings. (That makes up a lot of life, so that’s probably not good.) I get very afraid of the unknown; I want to cling to the way it is.
I always took breakups harder than anyone else I knew. First days at school and jobs terrified me.
What if, what if, what if…? (They don’t like me, it’s not the same, I regret it and can never go back?)
In times of change my inner monologue gets really LOUD and I can’t hear my gut. In these cases, I’m lucky enough to be able to lean on my husband and trusted friends to tell me the right move to make. They’ve known me long enough to say, “Trust me, it will be okay. You will be happy. It’s the right move.”
I remember when I was coming off of maternity leave and into the role I have now, with a new boss. Everything inside of me was screaming No no no! James actually offered me the job three times before I accepted. I kept turning him down.
Finally, C said, “He’s giving you everything you want and more, with the most flexible schedule. No one else is going to give you that. Why don’t you just try it?”
C was right. And going to work for James was the best decision I’d made in a long time. We became colleagues and then friends, and eventually, family. Together with Matt (pictured), we had the best two years together ever.
Things will change now and I still don’t know how it’s all going to shake out. I just have to trust in the magic of new beginnings, and remember that I can bring happiness wherever I go, because happiness is a part of me.
I am excited and scared to turn the page.
And I am going to horribly miss these two mega-nerds, the last two people on the planet I know who play Pokémon Go.