*drops mic and walks off*
Seriously, though. I don’t care.
I don’t care if my advice in this post helps you. I don’t care if you write me a whole novel or send me an email, detailing every last bit of the whole entire story. (In fact, please don’t do that.)
I don’t care if you pour your heart out to me; I don’t care if I’m your last hope. I don’t care if your ex comes running back into your arms and it’s everything you’ve ever hoped for. I don’t care if you get married and travel off into the sunset together.
I. Don’t. Give. A. Shit.
And that’s the truth.
Sounds harsh? It is. And I mean it.
But here’s what I DO care about:
I care that you learn how to heal yourself. I care that you realize that you’re humiliating yourself and puking up your self esteem into the toilet, and you decide to change that.
I care that you understand that NO person dictates your happiness and NO person has the right to make you feel so shitty.
I care that you learn how to say “FUCK YOU” to any person who doesn’t think you’re worth a damn. I care that you block their number, delete them as a friend and turn your Instagram to private.
I care that you find a therapist to help you through this hard time. I care that you apologize to your friends and co-workers for how toxic you’ve been about your ex.
I care that you say YES to a date possibly two months before you’re ready and that even though it feels weird, that you feel tiny butterflies when he/she kisses your cheek. I care that you may start to realize that YES, it might be possible for you to eventually fall in love with someone else.
I care that you get so sick of crying alone at home that you go have a drink with your co-workers, or take a spin class with friends you haven’t been seeing enough of, or get a small heart tattoo on your hip to remind you that the deepest, most healing love travels from YOU to YOU.
I care that you box up all of his/her stuff and donate it to Goodwill. Or throw it out.
I care that you take a piece of printer paper and write a new declaration for yourself and tape it on your fridge. I care that the first sentence says, “The most important name in the world is my own, and I won’t say ___________’s name anymore. Ever.”
I care that you adopt a puppy/kitten to love, even though it’s probably a bad idea. I care that your puppy/kitten makes you feel lovable again, because you fucking are.
I care that you remember a time you were happy before, and dream of a time you can be happy again.
Because you can.
That, my friends, is what I care about.
And I hope that eventually, that’s what you’ll care about too.
Guys, I can’t do it anymore. I can’t help you get your ex back. Because I don’t CARE if you get your ex back!
Now don’t get all bent out of shape, because what I DO care about is YOU.
I think about you, I talk about you to my husband, I ask my friends about you. I care about you, each and every one of you, and I am so humbled by how many of you have written to me asking me for help.
But you’re asking me for help with the wrong thing!
I don’t WANT to teach you to manipulate your ex into coming back. I don’t want to strategize with you over what games to play with your ex. I don’t want that, and I get VERY annoyed when that’s what you ask me 100 different ways.
What DO I want to help you with?
Healing. Compassion. Learning how to get through it. The especially hard days. How to forget your ex, and more importantly, how to FORGIVE your ex.
That’s what I want. That’s what I care about.
I care about YOU. Not him/her. Not your relationship. Not the details. Not the last time they contacted you.
You, and just you.
And if by healing yourself, you get him/her back, GREAT. That really is great, and I mean it. (When you heal yourself, your ex usually comes back as a side result. Truth.) But is that how I determine if I’ve been successful in the advice I’ve given you?
What makes me feel best is when you write to me and say:
I let it go.
I feel happy again.
I don’t know what happened, but something you said helped and I feel better.
When I hear that, I feel relieved. Because what I care about most is your happiness. Not your ex.
I hope you’ll understand, and that we can still be friends. ❤