Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, a holiday which always makes me feel a little empty and blue, though I think I may be okay this year.
As I sensed it coming up, I offered to work, which shocked a lot of people. But honestly, it was what felt right for me this year; I doubt I will do it next.
I’m excited to make deviled eggs tomorrow, some for our family and some for my co-workers. My mom always makes deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and it just reminds me of the holidays. C already generously boiled and peeled the eggs for me, which is the most difficult and my least favorite part!
I really am feeling thankful this year. For our daughter, sweetly mischievous and so smart; for my work, which has kept me fulfilled and grounded and has always been so generous with me; specifically for the people I work with who are out-of-this-world caring and kind; for our friends who really just feel like a layer of family & for all of the traditions we share; for our health(!) — up until this summer I had been getting sick every single month, which had been going on since pregnancy, but I finally put my foot down and took supplements and resumed my probiotic and I’ve been in perfect health ever since. I’m also thankful for the small window of time I get on Sundays to exercise, and am looking forward to more windows of time in 2019. I love to feel myself getting stronger.
I am so thankful for our nanny who cares for V as though V is her own. It was a miracle that we found her and I cannot imagine the day that we won’t have her.
And mostly, and perhaps this is silly, but I am so thankful for books.
Books really brought me back to life this year. They nurtured me, made me laugh, and reawakened my empathy. They have recharged me in the moments that I’ve only had a couple of minutes to myself; they’ve made me feel less alone. The librarians have all come to know V and me and smile warmly when they see us.
Murakami brought me peace. Anne Tyler showed me that all families survive unhappiness. Glennon Doyle made me think about what it means to be a woman, and to be powerful. Cheryl Strayed taught me that grief can drown us all. Mister Rogers and Shefali Tsabary gave me techniques to be gentler with my child. Jennifer Niven made me grieve the loss of a boy too wonderful for this world (and she liked my Instagram post). And Nicola Yoon showed me that sometimes, it’s worth risking everything to meet the boy we love in a bookstore.
I am also thankful for following a crazy idea I heard whispered in my head, and deciding to write here 100 days in a row. Reading and writing again have upped my happiness exponentially. I started the year a little lost, and now I feel so grounded and fulfilled.
I might be blue tomorrow, I may miss my own family, but that doesn’t change that I am so thankful for this year and for the wonderful people we have in our lives. We are truly blessed.