small life, slow life

It’s just past 4pm and already the light is receding; C and V will be home from the park soon.

I used to need entire days to myself to recharge. Now, an hour alone to shower, sip coffee and read or write a little feels like a week-long vacation. Thank you husband, for giving me lots of these little vacations.

Yesterday, I did the toughest Orange Theory Fitness workout I’ve done yet to date. I had almost eaten breakfast but something advised me against it — and thank God for that, for I absolutely would have barfed between the jump squats and speed skaters and explosive “beach ball” situps (you place your hands over head and sit up without their support and then chuck them forward as though you were throwing a beach ball) — and please don’t forget the sprints and the god-forsaken rowing machine: my one arch-nemesis in my life.

Today, I’m not even sore. Maybe a tiny pinch in my upper abs, but nothing compared to previous weeks. I know this feeling: the feeling of my body getting stronger, of it recovering faster. I like this feeling. (Also known as: I hate being sore.)

There is a part of me that still wants to be obsessive. Maybe, I keep thinking, if I could just carve out the time to do Orange Theory 3-4 days a week — and then I have to stop myself, because I’m know right where I’m going. Always thinking about thinness; I have to steer myself back to I’m doing this to get strong and I’m doing this because it makes me feel healthy every single freakin’ time, like I’m a car whose alignment is off…I constantly want to drift into that same lane, with all the same thoughts. I know exactly where that road leads and how it ends.

This is not what I’d planned to write about today.

I was going to write about how Cyber Monday totally got me. First, my favorite series of books for V was having a sale, and then Amazon caught me by its tentacles and took me down. I had sworn to C that this was going to be a “no gift” year. But then, I just really wanted to get the people in my life a book and some chocolate, like the tradition in Iceland I saw on facebook a few weeks ago.

As soon as I saw this, I didn’t even care if it was true, I just wanted to do it! And I also had a dream of getting a pile of books from people and nibbling on chocolate in bed all night. (Reality Check: Do you remember that you have a toddler, Jennifer? Do you remember that she sleeps in your bed and doesn’t take naps? Do you remember your queue of books at the library that’s so long, the librarians get surprised if they don’t see you for a few days? Do you really need to make your list longer?) <— Whatever, self. Let me dream.

Then I got Danielle LaPorte’s 2019 Desire Map planner — which was such a coincidence! Since I hadn’t thought about her for several years (fun fact: I was supposed to interview to be her editor, twice, and had technical issues and it ended up not working out — but dang that would’ve been a dream job!), I went to her site last night to grab her hyperlink for the post — AND(!), I had been looking for the perfect planner for next year. I am VERY picky about planners and my Erin Condren and Passion Planner purchases just have not been doing it for me. My co-worker Matt found a super cool planner called EVO Planner online for me, but it’s $129 for a year’s worth of planners and I just don’t think I’m there yet. (But definitely take their personality quiz — it’s super illuminating.)

Is that not the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?!

I will report back to you on how I like it. I’m the pickiest.

I got some more things, but certain people who read this blog (all six of you! [a running joke, haha]) will get their present spoiled if I post about it, so you’ll have to wait until after the holidays.

I’ve clearly had too much caffeine since my thoughts are bouncing all over the place; that can also mean I’m in a happy mood.

So much for a No-gift Christmas! I love buying things for people too much. 😦 I guess I’ll have to try again next year.