I see the discarded pregnancy tests in the trash as I toss in a tampon wrapper. These unlikely plastic adversaries sit beside each other: one a symbol of hope, the other of failure. Immediately, I think, Ugh, I’ll take the trash out so I don’t have to look at those. Then, correcting myself, I think, … Continue reading
Most days, there’s a film of normalcy, a delicate and transparent layer atop my life. If I don’t mess with it, as long as I don’t peel it back to examine, then all will stay contained, keeping that dark liquid sloshing around the bowl from seeping out. But give me a cloudy morning alone, moody … Continue reading
I am thick with the smell of death. Yours, and everyone who was on your floor. All of these doorways I’ve passed through, all of these corridors, all of these beds wheeled by, all of these people grieving around me. It didn’t stop me, on the last day, from kissing your forehead as often as … Continue reading
Sometimes, the answer to being so tired and crazy is to spend the day with these two guys, and have a damn margarita with dinner and laugh your head off. At least, tonight, that was the answer for me. V woke up ten million at least nine times last night. Today I found out that … Continue reading
I don’t really feel like writing today. But here I am. I’m not in a bad mood; it has just been a long couple of days. So I thought I’d share some images from this week. Which has been happy but long. V got to play in the rain for the first time. C sent … Continue reading
It’s just past 4pm and already the light is receding; C and V will be home from the park soon. I used to need entire days to myself to recharge. Now, an hour alone to shower, sip coffee and read or write a little feels like a week-long vacation. Thank you husband, for giving me … Continue reading
I’m sitting in the back room at work while the sales floor is swarming with people, their bellies full with their wallets ready to empty. I wasn’t sure, when we agreed to open the store on Thanksgiving, how many people would come. Even five minutes before we opened tonight, I had a deep fear that … Continue reading
Exactly two-thirds into this process, and I feel like I’m only just getting to the heart of my feelings. Like there were sixty-plus other days of gunk floating at the top that had corroded, and had to be scooped and poured off. Here it is again — sentences running through my mind all day, translating … Continue reading
Do you believe in redemption? Do you? My favorite stories are always the ones where the hero (or the villain) changes his mind at the last minute. Has the big revelation. Calls off the plan to detonate. Saves the hostages, frees his captive. Cries pretty, and sees the light. Redemption. You can redeem yourself if … Continue reading
I was just laying in bed, thinking, “I’m so grateful to have this challenge of writing 100 days in a row. What it’s showing me is that there doesn’t always have to be a perfect reason to write. Writing, itself, is a perfectly good reason.” Then I whispered over to C, “Oh shoot, I forgot … Continue reading
small life, slow life 