Today I had the moment every mother fears. And then blames herself for.
We were finishing up at the market, getting ingredients for tonight’s final dinner (read: I had a goal to make dinner four Mondays in a row). We were putting back V’s little play shopping cart that Whole Foods lovingly provides and she was literally.right.behind.me.
I spun around and she was gone.
I have a two year-old and I know she’s two. I don’t linger on my phone at the park; I’m not daydreaming when I take her for walks. I don’t even let her walk in parking lots and always insist on carrying her. I get super nervous if we’re on our evening walk and cross a driveway. I just have always been very paranoid about her running off and me not being right there to catch her.
I started to call her name.
“Pink pants?” the cashier said. “She just ran out the front door.”
I didn’t even thank him; I just bolted toward the door and flew out into the sunny day, where a woman was just lunging forward to grip V’s hand just as she was making a beeline toward the parking lot.
I practically gargled my own heart in my throat to thank her.
I crouched down, got my hands on V’s body and wanted to upchuck every emotion at her. I wanted to scream and tell her that we never, ever go into a parking lot alone. I wanted to sob in relief because a car ripped by, far too fast, right at that moment.
But I knew that whatever I said in that moment would leave a lasting impression.
So I just hugged her close to my body and said, “Honey, please don’t run away from me. Please wait for Mommy and hold my hand.”
The minute I found out I was pregnant, I became terrified of losing her. It’s like built in software that downloads when you procreate. Every other mom I meet tells me the same thing.
I will watch her even more closely now, until she understands why she has to stay by my side. She’s normally really good about it, but she’s definitely testing limits lately and has been running farther and farther ahead of me at the park. I never imagined that in five seconds that she could have made her way out the door.
In other news, I made my fourth Monday night dinner this week.
I’ll admit, this one was kind of cheating. It’s something I knew I could do very easily and two of the three components don’t even require cooking, just heating up.
And the award for the UNhealthiest of the four Monday meals goes to…tonight’s hot dogs + gluten-free buns & garlic french fries!
I used the same recipe for the fries that I did last time; this time I just changed the seasoning a bit, cut them a little thicker and cooked them a little less. They were good!
The hot dogs I roasted in the oven and I toasted the buns. Not really cooking, but it counts as making dinner ad C and V were very happy!
Are you going to keep cooking dinner on Mondays?
Maybe not every Monday, but I really like it! I like thinking of what to make, finding a healthier way to make it, and I love surprising C when he walks in the door from such a long day! I never tell him what I’m making beforehand, and he has been so happy every time! What I really wanted was to feel comfortable in the kitchen again, and I wanted the feeling of providing for my family. Both were really successful!