As I approach the end of this blogging experience (today is the 129th consecutive day), I feel good about it. I am so grateful for the chance to open myself back up, like a bottle of something that was long dormant. I watched it fizz and bubble over, until once again the liquid contained ran deep, colorful, and true. And as much as the daily writing has been good for me, it probably has been (mostly) boring, for you. To read someone’s everyday thoughts…well, every day, is no more enjoyable than being inside the person’s head.
There are some thing that should be kept between me, and me. And after I passed the 100th day, I could feel the steam cooling. I had the sense that I had done what I’d set out to do, and that continuing to force the daily public practice would only result in it being a chore for me, and likewise, a chore to read, for you.
So what’s next?
I will still write daily, just not here. I won’t lie to you: there is an idea for a book. Right now, it seems like something insurmountable. I’ve dug up and dusted away at bones, but nothing looks like a skeleton, and half of the thing is missing, because it hasn’t happened yet. Looking into the past with a microscope feels more than intimidating — it feels like a swell of current will pull me down and the rip tide will drown me. The only thing I want to do is push this project far, far away.
So naturally, that means I have to do it.
I imagine that I’ll work three days a week on the book, to start. Forming and reforming the outline, pulling together the pieces, building the foundation. I also need to put into place the movement that needs to occur so that I can finish the book, which means that I need to actually make several things happen. I also feel daunted about this.
(We’ll see. I may not be able to work on it that much at first. If you see me posting here a lot, you’ll know what I’m avoiding.)
I will write two to three days a week here. I want to remain connected to you, and I also want to keep myself accountable.
The other days, I’ll write privately. From me, to me. To say the things I’m thinking that I don’t necessarily want to admit to 100+ people a day. (I always joke that it’s only four of you who read this, but the stats tell me that simply isn’t true.)
I am really looking forward to 2019. To watch V grow more into herself. To take a leap at work. And mostly, to do the work that I feel that I was put on this Earth to do.
For that, my 2019 word of the year is “Words.”
(You might remember that my word of 2018 was “Purpose,” because I wanted to find it. And then I decided that my purpose was words — reading them, writing them, speaking them. Now that I know, my word of 2019 is “Words,” because I will be doing a lot of writing, and there will be many, many words!)