I didn’t notice the darkness give way to the sun streaming through the blinds. I didn’t notice V sleeping beside me, still as a stone, much later than usual. For once in the last few days, my throat didn’t hurt, and snuggled together under warm blankets, we slept on.
If any of that had been different…for instance, if V had woken up at her normal time, or my throat had still hurt, or even if Rolo had meowed like he normally does, I wouldn’t have had the dream that I did. (Since sleep deprivation entered the scene two and a half years ago, I can’t even remember the number of dreams I’ve had on one hand.) I wouldn’t have gotten the message I got, be it from my subconscious, or perhaps somewhere else.
All I know is that I woke up at 9:15am with V breathing deeply beside me. As I recalled the dream, slowly, with ever-emerging clarity, I knew what I had to do next. I know now what I didn’t know on Day 100. The steps unfurled before me, an invisible spool of ribbon rolling across the floor.
I told C today when he was home on a break. He gets a little iffy about dreams and messages and manifesting sometimes (I don’t blame him), but he looked at me and said, “This feels right. This feels like everything adding up, everything falling together. How may I help or facilitate?”
When the new year rolls around, I won’t be here daily anymore. (Don’t worry! I’m still thinking 3 days a week.) I’ll be working on other writing, which has me both really excited and really scared…which is how I know it’s right.
I know the place I need to return to.
I know the call I need to answer.
small life, slow life 
Yay!! So happy for you – I can’t wait to see or (read) what the future holds for you. I wanted to share something – obviously not as inspiring as your journey but I’ve been reading a lot of your blogs and feeling like I needed a creative outlet and not knowing what to do with myself. I was sitting in my living room feeling completely void of any ideas (for weeks I might add) but this night I was enjoying a glass of wine, trying way too hard to think about at least one thing I love – I was staring ahead of me and almost told myself this isn’t the night but slowly something came into focus. It was the flicker of one of my favorite candles. I LOVE CANDLES – which is probably one of the main reasons I work at Anthropologie. I thought to mysel, why not take up candle making and sell them on Etsy? I actually felt even this small little achievement of knowing one thing I could possibly do to make me happy finally just appeared. I already opened my own little Etsy shop and named it Bungalow Heaven because that’s a small little area of Pasadena that I grew up in. Anyway, I know I’m silly sharing these little ideas and I’m not looking to be the next Joanna Gaines but it just feels nice having a small focus. 😊
Oh my gosh, this makes my heart so happy! Please keep me updated as to when you have something for sale; I want to be your first customer!!!! I love that you found a creative outlet for yourself. I am so curious about making candles too!