small life, slow life

I was not at all prepared for the response to yesterday’s post.

I haven’t been posting what I’m writing here on any social media channels. Which, of course, is why a whole total of four people have been reading it.

But yesterday, something struck a chord and I felt like, You know what, this is a conversation worthy of having. There might not be other people out there who are weighing their spinach, but they are surely practicing some other disordered behavior. 

I didn’t know how many people would relate to that.

I woke up to comments, texts, Facebook messages and emails. I had two requests to be able to publish the blog elsewhere.

What could this mean? I’m flattered, of course, but it’s not like my writing became that attention-worthy overnight.

I think it means…

…that we’re all struggling with something. It might not be eating. It may not have anything to do with weight or appearance. But I do think most of us struggle with that, on some level. It could be your nose or your skin or the shape of your feet.

…that we all feel like we’re not fitting in the appropriate box. Like the minimum requirements for love and lovability are not being checked off.

…I think it means that we recognize that we’re denying ourselves something. We’re turning something into a neurosis, that doesn’t have to be.

…and mostly, I think it means something is wrong with our current culture, and its thin-worshipping.

And then, I thought:

If I could take back every thought I’ve ever had about my body, or how I look in the mirror, or my weight, or if you can see a double chin in a certain photo…how much time would that free up? How many thoughts have I had like that, every single day since puberty? If you put them all together and measured them, how much time did those thoughts take up?

I couldn’t bear to imagine the answer.