Happy Sunday, y’all.
Got this one in my inbox this morning. Thank you, dear Anonymous, for sharing your story.
I remember when this happened to me. Four terrible months of crying daily. And then, in the span of a few minutes, the change. The realization that life could go on. That love is our only endlessly renewable resource, the one true currency. And that if you body can heal a gash, your heart can heal its emptiness.
It’s not just likely. It’s inevitable.
You don’t need to find a new person to love to have this happen for you. The “snap,” as I like to call it, can happen with a new person in your life or completely on your own. It can happen when your friend makes that comment that just strikes you to the core. It can happen watching clouds pass over your head after a really grueling crying session. Or it can be that one line in a book that stuns you, and makes you realize that you can’t suffer for another moment. Enough is enough.
It might feel like it takes forever to get there, but it WILL happen. And for years now, I’ve gotten these comments of when it happens for people, and I never stop being awed by how powerful it is. A two-second “snap” will change your whole life.
The next one you find might not be The One. But the Next One is the one you’ll stay grateful to, even years later. Because your Next One teaches you that happiness is the ocean wave returning to the shore: much as you try, doubt as you may…you simply can’t hold it back or keep it away.
Let go, or be dragged. –Zen proverb
You can still be swept off your feet. 🙂 Too true, Anonymous.
Wishing you joy today + always,
I’ve been meaning to write this for a few days now (I posted another comment under “Anonymous” a few weeks ago). For almost three years I thought that my ex was my life, that I couldn’t possibly live without him, that my life was meaningless without him in it. And the three months following the end of our long term relationship (and almost engagement) have been the most difficult of my life so far. Never have I felt so broken, so low in self-esteem and so anxious and depressed. Waking up was painful, eating was almost impossible, studying even more so. I thought I was always going to remain an empty shell, the shadow of the girl that I was before. I did everything they tell you to do to get better. I exercised, I went away for a long time, I stopped stalking on social media (even though I haven’t deleted him), I spoke about the breakup almost constantly just because I needed to get it out of my system. But when I got back to the place I had to move to after our breakup I wasn’t better in any way. I cried that whole day, thinking “this is not my life”, “it’s not supposed to be this way”, “what have I done to make him stop loving me so suddenly”, “I will die alone”…the whole list of negative shit that accompanies you after a traumatic breakup. And for two days that didn’t stop. I thought I will never meet anyone like my ex ever again, that I had lost my soul mate, that I had to have done something terrible for him to walk away as if the last three years meant nothing. I hoped and hoped and hoped and hoped and HOPED that he might call, hoped that he may come to reclaim me and that he will say he made a mistake.
Fast forward to a few days later. I grudgingly went out for drinks with some new-ish friends to celebrate something and BOOM. I met a guy. Now, let me just say that meeting someone was the furtherest away from my mind at that point. I didn’t even want to imagine myself with anyone but my ex and I vehemently refused to believe there was any light at the end of the tunnel for me. I convinced myself that I was going to die alone and depressed with equally alone and depressed cats. But the connection I had with this wonderful new guy…I cannot describe it. It felt so, so, so right and we had so much in common. I even had butterflies in my stomach. For the first time in months, my ex was not on my mind at all. Anyway, long story short, this guy kissed me. Did I feel guilty because I felt like I was betraying my ex? Absolutely. But it only lasted for a few minutes and then I kissed him again. And the second time around, the ex was completely absent from my mind.
And that is what it took. Ever since I met this new guy (two weeks ago), I haven’t shed a single tear for my ex. I’m not entering into a new relationship or anything like that (although I wouldn’t say no to hanging out with him and having fun) but it showed me how much more there is to life than sadness and despair. It showed me how much life can change in a few hours. It showed me that there can be love after heartbreak, even when you feel like you will never meet anyone like you ex ever again. To be honest, I think I could grow to like this guy so much more than my ex and that’s saying a lot (I always considered my ex my soulmate, I was certain we were supposed to be together and that the universe would fall apart if we ever broke up. The universe certainly didn’t fall apart when we did though).
Looking back at our failed relationship now that I have detached myself from it almost completely, I can see things that I didn’t want to see before. Sure, I was a bit too emotionally dependent on him, I was a bit young minded and naive and yes, I was probably a bit needy from time to time. But he was a selfish narcissist in the way he broke up with me, he never gave a damn about anyone but himself, put the entire breakup on my shoulders even though I never did anything to hurt him, and even if he were to come back, I probably wouldn’t take him back anyway. While the thought of him with someone else still bothers me a little, I think it bothers me more because of my wounded ego than because I want him back. I think I am reaching a point where I don’t give a damn about what he does and who he’s with any more. Not today, but soon. I can feel it.
Anyway, the reason why I am writing is because I wanted to thank you. You once told me that one day I will snap and I will grow tired of being so pathetic, of crying for him, of wanting him back, of feeling so low. And that moment came to me when I least expected it (and I honestly never believed that another guy (anyone who’s not my ex in fact) could cause this snap in me (and butterflies in my stomach)). I am such a pessimist and the fact that I’m writing this amazes me too….haha. There definitely is light at the end of the tunnel. You can let go and move on. You can live your life to the fullest even though your heart may be broken at your feet. You can heal. There is hope. And you can certainly like someone as much as your ex…perhaps even more. You can still be swept off your feet.